David Durgin & Marcus Valerius Martialis
MIS/TRANSLATION
 

A Murderous Hand


When Venus calls you never fornicate—


You use the hand that’s best to masturbate.



No matter? Trust me, it’s a crime so great


Your mind can scarcely grasp its weight.


Horatius came once and triplets ensued;


Mars sired twins when Ilia got screwed.


Both would have spent their precious measure


Had beating off been their only pleasure.



What Nature tells you must without fail stick:


“You lose a person when you stroke your dick.”

 


Martial IX, xli


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