David Durgin & Marcus Valerius Martialis

Backside Philosophy


You prate of hirsute thinkers of every kind—

Of every one a tarnished statue brings to mind—


As if Pythagoras had deemed you heir;

You certainly sport the proper facial hair.


But, to the shame of your goatish and hairy “class,”

You gladly show a rough beard on your soft ass.


So tell me, of the many doctrines you espouse,

Which one prevails upon the buggers you arouse.

Martial, IX, xlvii