David Durgin & Marcus Valerius Martialis
MIS/TRANSLATION
 

Backside Philosophy

 

You prate of hirsute thinkers of every kind—

Of every one a tarnished statue brings to mind—

 

As if Pythagoras had deemed you heir;

You certainly sport the proper facial hair.

 

But, to the shame of your goatish and hairy “class,”

You gladly show a rough beard on your soft ass.

 

So tell me, of the many doctrines you espouse,

Which one prevails upon the buggers you arouse.


Martial, IX, xlvii


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