Annie Abrahams
Ik ben bang!
After “Eden,” a poem by Carmen Conde

I am afraid!

Violent and gleaming it pushed me out,
slashed the stem of all the grasses.
I however wept!
"Where are you...?"
I want you.
To be born, to breathe, to feel oneself alive,
is that asking too much? Am I taking liberties?

My loins hurt, my face is parched.
Only I, alone, must live alone with no one
who feels as I do.
I am nothingness, I am of time, I am a dream...
You do not hold me dear.

Do not sleep you must watch.
Do not sleep you must wake.
You cannot sleep!
Do not sleep you must listen.
Do not sleep you must watch.
Do not sleep! do not sleep!

Mute, I bite my lips,
Howling for you in the night,
roaring for mercy,
my back, my waist...
I am afraid!
Let us go together. Deny me not your hand.

As we are so alone and the earth so endless
What good is it to stop?
And it is all ours.
And that was and will be without end.
How much we have done! Rest.
Not yet; not yet ….!
Let us rest and ponder together.

I do not think, I do not move, I just let go …
Worse than to die is to be old.
To be old and to know;
I hate you, curse you.
I do not know what I am looking for!
Who sings?
who moans,

I am so small
It's not enough, your wanting me, your taking me
Nothing is ever enough,
I have never felt it.

For I have brought you here, and here you master me.
Help me to escape!
Joy I do not want.

You, too, do not forget it. And that's why I complain.

So old …., so tired …