PO BOX 51599-09876
Brainerd, Nebraska 76054
June 9, 1999
c/o Peter Doogan
448 West 16th Street, #5B
NY, NY 10012
Re: Point 1: Why I am no longer Italian
Point 2: Why your breasts are so lovely
I know you are staying with Peter in his studio, while deliveries are being made to both your homes that require both of you not to be present in your homes. If I am correct and memory serves me, it is frozen goods that are being delivered.
At any rate, I am not writing to chit chat, as they say, for that would be impossible due to the fact that this is a letter and although I may chit as much as I please, you cannot chat back at me until some time later, some time in the future.
Peters intentions, I am writing to tell you, are not honorable. He intends maximum aggression towards your lovely size c cup breasts, which are so perfumey and hypnotizing to many men, including myself.
I know you think he is merely helping you out - you, a helpless and indeed defenseless woman, but let me say, my darling Fifi, that I believe Peter to be a menace. He is hungry for the wrong kind of love that involves your pendulous love hounds, i.e. your breasts, which I have spoken of earlier in this letter (you may refer to paragraph 2 or 3 for clarification).
Peter has done this kind of thing before and unless you want him to spoil your reputation and offer nothing more than three lemon cookies in return, then by all means, go to his lanky arms and rest there for a few weeks, for be warned, my dewy, almond love-cup, he will let you loose after just precisely such amount of time.
Consider yourself something more than he considers you, something I consider you, which is lovely and special.