June 21, 1999
VIA FACSIMILE and REGULAR MAIL
To: You (Owner and Producer of Goodies)
From: Me (In need of Goodies)
Re: Prior correspondence and a backwards version of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
It is the same as usual around here, with the exception of nausea and hammers.
My caverns have been invaded by a bomb squad who was meant, I am told, to perform a "sweep", of sorts, upon the caverns and rid them of potential explosive devices. But instead, this blasted squad has taken over all of my beloved, sweet caverns and manipulated and molded them for evil. They have removed all of the ducts and replaced them with towel racks. Needless to say, I am harried and befuddled by this most heinous turn of events.
I am not asking for your help in this unfortunate matter; it is a skirmish that surely my administrative assistants are well-equipped to negotiate.
What I am requesting is a fine stash of goodies of your choosing, meant to get me through these anxious nights, which I experience with greater and greater frequency, due to the aforementioned invasion.
I have heard their next mission is to bake tofu loaf in the emergency ovens, deep within my lovely caverns.
Although I am distressed by the latest news, I trust I will gain back my caverns, post-haste.
I have not forgotten your attractiveness in this state of emergency.
I await your well-chosen care package with glee.